In my absence...

Thank you Neal for reminding me that I have a blog!

The last couple of months have been quite full, to say the least. My grandmother's been very sick, so I was spending time with her and my mom. She passed away on Friday. Its sad, but I know she is in a better place and is no longer in pain, which is a blessing.

I'm moving on Friday. Less than a week until I am officially a home-owner! We're pretty much living in chaos right now, and I don't expect that will end any time soon. Once we're in the new place we are planning on painting it before we unpack. So, I am most likely going to be eating take-out for the next two weeks.

Finally, the rest of my time has been spent playing with and learning my new copies of Lightroom and Photoshop CS3. I've been using Photoshop for years, but am getting used to the wicked features of the lastest version. I've also had many requests to do portraits lately. Here are a few examples of some of my recent work:

I get it, I really do

Today I would like to talk about PTSD. Otherwise known as Post Traumatic Stress Disorder...or in milder cases: Acute Stress Disorder.

I wish I'd known about this 5 years ago, when at the tender age of 22 I was in a roll-over car accident on the highway. Have I ever told you this story? Here...pull up a chair...

My boyfriend at the time, and I, decided to pack up and move to the province next door. There were more opportunities for work and housing...so we put all of our hopes and dreams (and furniture) into a U-haul trailer, hooked it up to our Jeep, and off we went...

About 6 hours into our trip, the sun was shining, the music was playing, we were chatting...all seemed good. Then we went around a corner on a decline, and suddenly I started to feel the Jeep jerking backwards. I looked in the rearview mirror and could see the trailer...and then it was gone...and then it was back. I realized, to my horror, that it was jack-knifing, and that my boyfriend was quickly losing control of the vehicle.

He tried to slow us down and we veered off to the side, then as the trailer wheels caught up in the grass we were thrown back onto the highway, and slammed down on my side. We rolled over a couple of times (I think...seems we started on my side and ended on my side, but I don't know what happened in between). I managed to climb up out his window and collapse into the arms of someone who had stopped to help.

Thankfully we weren't hurt. Physically. But the emotional trauma I suffered as a result was probably more painful than a broken bone.

So here we were....stuck outside of a small town, part-way into our journey. We moved our things into a moving truck...left the busted up Jeep behind and finally a couple of days later, made it to Calgary. Then came the task of finding a place to live, jobs, etc. *sigh*

It took me a very long time to be OK. I actually broke out in hives a couple of weeks after the accident...and when I went to the clinic and the Doctor asked "have you been under any stress lately?" and I replied "well yes in fact, I have just moved to this city, with no job, no where to live, and was in a total wreck of a car-accident on the way" he was not at all surprised that my body was reacting that way.

For months, I couldn't re-tell the tale without coming to tears. For about a year I was uncomfortable in any moving vehicle...including the light-rail train. In fact, before this I wasn't really afraid to fly, and now I hate it. Being a passenger in a car was pretty much terrifying. I think that it took me about three years before I could actually feel relaxed in the passenger seat.

So, I have every ounce of sympathy for the new boy. He's stressed, in pain, and depressed. And, to no surprise, it has pretty much ruined things for us as a couple.

I'm hoping he will find someone to talk to. Someone impartial, someone with experience dealing with adult trauma. And I'm hoping he'll embrace this time to heal, emotionally and physically. That's the only thing that really works...time. And patience.

In the meantime, I will be a friend. Because when I went through this, it sure would have been nice to have someone to talk to. Someone who really understood.

I've got my mind on my money and my money on my mind

I am trying to decide if I am spending more $ on self-medicating (see below) than if I was seeing a counsellor. Retail-therapy vs. regular-therapy.

I think my way is much more fun...and fashionable.

Distracted...and not in a good way!

The boy got in a car accident when he was out of town for work. A bad one. Flipped the truck, totalled it, went to the hospital. Luckily everyone was OK, but talk about a stressful couple of days!

Anyway, he's home now and even though he has a hard time even breathing due to the pain he's in...he's just as sweet as ever.

Tonight is Ernie's bday celebration dinner and I'll be taking my hot new jeans out on the town. Yes, I've been doing a lot of shopping lately.

My New Hair

Someone, please confiscate my phone!

The boy ...*sigh* ... *smile* ...

umm..

Where was I?

Oh yes...he has gone away for a week. Which is probably a blessing in disguise. Because I really do need to get organized around the house for my move, and its very difficult to do that when we're wandering around downtown...going for dinner...hanging out and playing with our cameras and photoshop (yes, we're pretty much made for each other on the photo-geek front).

When I got home from an outing with the girls last night he called to say good night...which turned into a 4 hour conversation, and then finally at 3:30 a.m. I decided I should probably get at least a few hours of sleep before work.

Do you know when the last time was, that I could spend that much time talking to someone about everything and nothing and all the things in between?

A few years at least...

I don't mean to be all girly and giddy. I just can't help it! And I would sit down here and write some intellectual commentary on what's happening with the melting ice-caps or some such topic...but my brain has turned to mush from lack of sleep and that intoxicating feeling.

I'm in so much trouble....

Tired and hungry

You know how when you meet someone...not just anyone....but someone who makes your tummy flutter? And you stay up way past your bedtime, many nights in a row, talking about anything and everything. And you can't eat, because damn, that tummy flutter has taken away all semblance of appetite?

hmm...

Who needs a low-carb diet...when you can waste away on the new-relationship diet? ;)

New software and a big smile for this girl

I recently acquired the newest version of Photoshop: CS3, as well as Photoshop's Lightroom program, and some wicked cool plug-ins for Photoshop.

I just installed them late last night and played around quickly with a couple of pics in Lightroom...changing exposure/contrast/colour balance. Then I exported them into PS and used the "portraiture" filter plug in. Wow. I'm so impressed with how quickly I can make myself look good make my photos look more polished!


Here are some samples:

Before:

After:

Before:

After:

Snowboarding

Last trip up the mountain of the season. Perfect day....sunny, clear, warm.

My horroscope for the week...not too shabby!

Things are certainly coming up roses for you right now. You haven't had it this good for a long time. You're so stoked about life, you're making positive changes in your immediate environment. They might occur spontaneously. You're attracted to new ideas because you have a fresh perspective on life. All kinds of sudden opportunities to earn money or get a job promotion or suddenly travel could occur. It's hard to say how your good luck will manifest but you should know it's knocking at the door. Do get out of that Barcalounger and answer it! (Temptation may bang on the door for years but opportunity knocks only once.)

I do...or I don't?

Lately, it feels like everyone is breaking up. I've had three friends call it quits with their significant other over the past month or so. It seems that people are just not willing to settle anymore. Women, especially, are so much more independent in my generation (as compared to that of my grandparents, for example). It has really got me to thinking lately...are we just not designed to have one partner for life? Have we always been taught that "settling down and getting married young" was just the way it is in the past...and now we've opened up our eyes to the reality that for many people, that just doesn't work?

I learned recently that marriage for the sake of 'love' is a fairly mordern notion. For as long as we can remember (or find proof in the history books), people married based on status, both financially and politically. (Think: royalty in Europe). I believe that it wasn't until Henry VIII that the idea of a marital union based on actually being 'in love' became accepted.

And even if you do find "the one" and shack up together in a neatly bundled life of marital bliss...eventually the shine will wear off. Marriage isn't easy. And lord knows, I'm speaking from experience. My parents have been together for as long as I can remember, and they have certainly had their share of ups and downs. I do believe the word "divorce" was threatened on more than one occasion during my teenage years. BUT, they stuck it out. They love each other, plain and simple. And they were realistic enough to know that there was a possiblity it wouldn't work...IF they didn't put the effort in.

I'm thankful that my parents were fairly open with my brothers and I about their life together. I respect them on so many levels: for raising a family despite nearly critical illness (my mom and then my little brother)...an unfriendly work schedule requiring my dad to be away weeks at a time when I was a child...being on a strict one-income budget as a young family....and then eventually running two very successful full-time 24/7 businesses together. My parents are rockstars as far as I'm concerned...with emphasis on 'rock'. Even through all of the bumps along the road, they were always there for my brothers and I 100%. I can only hope that having even an inkling of what they have been through in the past 30 years will help prepare me for my own journey...the one that starts with "I do", and will hopefully never end in "I don't."

A new decor for a new beginning

Life has a funny way of just working itself out...

I'm really excited these days, because I've been feeling a little bored in general, and thought "what the heck can I do to spice things up?"

That's when I decided to act on a business idea I've had for awhile. Without going into too much detail, essentially I'm going to start doing some consulting on top of my full time job. Nothing too big at first, probably only a client or two at a time. And I'm already working on my 1st project! Its amazing how sometimes when you just put your ideas/thoughts/desires out to the Universe...it may take awhile...but eventually you get an answer.

That answer has also manifested itself in the form of my NEW HOME! (I just can't say that enough!) Ern and I won't be moving until May 31st, but we're already super organized.

* Moving truck reservation...check!

* Cleaners booked...check!

* Furniture downsizing...check! (its great to have younger siblings who need extra furniture)

I've been driving past this beautiful textiles store on my way home from work, and a few weeks ago they put up a new window display featuring a duvet cover that I've absolutely fallen in love with. So I went in to talk to the owner (she's actually a past client of mine) to find out the price. Ouch! Believe me when I say this, I am not a frugal person...but even that seemed a little out of my range.

But ever since...I just can't get that design out of my head. I don't even really know why. It's not exactly my style...its a little girly than I normally go for, to be honest. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought "I want my new bedroom to be a total sanctuary. A place where I can go to escape, and will make me happy every time I walk in to it."

So I've decided (after much deliberation...and much research online, only to discover that this is the only store in my region that carries the design) to go for it! I'll post a photo below. My idea is to find a gorgeous rich paint colour for the walls, and then find matching throw pillows to accent the bed. I'm going try and find a perfect night table, maybe even something antique-ish, and paint it black with a laquer finish. Then I'll be framing up a black and white photo (maybe even the tulips in the post below) to go over the bed. I'll have to post photos of the final product when its all done.

Have a great weekend everyone!

An exercise in texture, form, and contrast

Day 3 and counting

Monday felt like detox.

Tuesday was a little better, I was less hungry during the day, and made a delicious supper of salmon and salad.

Today I feel great! Had a nice filling healthy breakfast (egg white omelette with bell peppers, zucchini and cheddar cheese.) I'm allowing myself a bit of brown sugar in my coffee, because I love my sweet, delicious morning coffee...and I'm not a masochist. Lunch was leftover salmon salad, fresh veggies, and an apple. Tonight will be my big test though...going to the movies and NOT ordering popcorn.

I'm starting to see now exactly how many un-necessary carbs I was eating, and that as long as I put a little time and extra effort into my meals, they can be ultra delicious and healthy.

On the condo front...things are looking GREAT. Financing is all approved and the paperwork is almost completed. May 30th seems like a long time to wait, but I know it will be here in no time!

Hungry all the time

My wonderful and fantastic roommate has somehow convinced me to go on a no/low-carb diet with her, starting yesterday. I was all "oh yeah! OK, I'd love to lose a few pounds!!"

Until yesterday afternoon....

I was freaking starving! I had three pieces of chicken for supper, along with a lot of veggies, and then a grapefruit for dessert...and guess what? I went to bed hungry!!

At first I thought "eff this noise! I obviously need carbs." Because, you see, I am a carboholic. Yes, its true. Toast for breakfast, crackers for lunch, a muffin for a snack, rice with dinner...you name it, I eat it.

So then I realized, I'm so hungry because my body is just getting used to burning protein and veggies, instead of the slooowwww burn of carbs. I just need to get used to it and adjust.

This morning I made sure to pack a big lunch, and this is what I had: two pieces of chicken, carrots and peas dipped in light ranch dressing, a half of an avacado, and an apple. And...guess what? Yup, you guessed it...STARVING.

Good lord. Now I'm going to have my celery sticks and peanut butter for a snack. I'm starting to realize she really meant it when she said "its about eating lots of little meals."

Yeah, like 12!

I'm a homeowner!

I finally took the plunge, and bought my first home!! Actually, I've been wanting to for years, but with rising prices where I live, it's been hard to get into the market. But now I'm in a position where I can do so, and found the perfect place! I was very nervous until I found out yesterday that my financing will all go through, and now, I'm just plain excited! It's going to be such a treat to pay rent to myself instead of some stranger. Plus, since Ernie's moving with me, and she's an interior designer, we're going to have a ton of fun renovating and redecorating the place.

:-D

I won't be moving for a few months, but rest assured, there will be many photos posted once I do!

Island hopping

On Wednesday afternoon, the girls and I took a somewhat impromtu trip over to Pender Island:

For those of you unfamiliar with my neck of the woods, it is one of the gulf islands between the island I live on, and the mainland.

Accessible by a 45 minute ferry ride:
When we arrived, we visited two houses that Ern is working on designs for (hence the reason for the trip.) The first house was on a cliff overlooking the ocean and was absolutely gorgeous.

This was the view from the balcony:

After we'd finished up with the work portion of the trip, we visited the resort at Poet's Cove:

Incredibly beautiful and peaceful...but almost too peaceful. Our hopes of beer and delicious yam fries at the waterfront pub were quickly dashed when we were informed that they are closed during the week in the off season.

So we spent the rest of the afternoon exploring:

On the ferry ride home I tried to capture the lunar eclipse, but determined that it was quite tricky to do, being on a moving ferry without a tri-pod!

I was lost.
But you found me.
Lifted me up.
Helped me to see.
What is good in this world.
Showed me the joy.
And sorrow.
Of love.
And loving.

I was abandoned.
Left to lick my wounds.
Confused.
Grasping for meaning.
Gasping for air.
Wondering why.

You were lost.
But I found you.
Brought you back.
Down to earth.
Showed you the comforts.
And sorrow.
Of love.
And being loved.

Now I’m lost again.
Wandering.
Wondering.
Wanting.
Waiting.

In separation.
In solitude.

Now you are lost too.
But I will find you.
Again.
As always.

Even though, in the end.
It won't be enough.
It was never enough.
I was never enough.
Its not your fault.
I let myself fall.

I came back to you.
I let you in.
You were all I wanted.
All I could need.
So I brought you in.
To the depths of my soul.
To where all is given.
And forgiven.

Under Construction

Much like me...this blog template is a work in progress. I recently discovered that I can make it a little spicier...so that's what I'll be doing over the next little while. Stay tuned.

Happy Valentines Day ... to ME!

Tomorrow is that hallmark holiday that makes me want to run screaming for the hills.

"Hey, let's find a way to charge a 4000% markup on flowers one day per year!"

I do like those little conversation hearts though.

A couple of years ago, I adopted a tradition with a friend (also adopted, since she had moved here recently from another city) to have an Anti-Valentines day party. Those of you who have been with me for awhile may remember the debauchery of last year's event. Oh, good times were had...

This evening that occurs annually on February 14th is not a man-hating, feminist, thumbs-down-to-love gathering of bitter females. In fact, most of us are usually coupled-up at the time. It's a celebration of love and friendship.

This year, in light of my illness, I didn't have the energy to plan much of anything. We're going to keep it simple, a few girls out for dinner, and then maybe a bottle of wine and episode 2 of the new season of Survivor. Yes, we're crazy like that. Watch out.

I'm off work tomorrow, and I'm going to be spending the afternoon at the best spa in town. I decided that after everything, I deserve to be spoiled a little. And since Valentines day is *clearly* about spoiling someone, who better to spoil...than myself?!

On the mend

I've been home for a week now, recovering and healing. I saw the specialist again yesterday and he's happy with my speedy progress. Looks like I might still be on schedule to return to work on Monday.

I miss the outside world. I haven't even been able to go to the grocery store. Thankfully I have wonderful family and friends who are taking such good care of me.

I've been reading a lot. And getting pretty good at Guitar Hero and online poker. Oh, and I eat, a LOT. Comfort food! These are some of the delicious things I have made this week to keep my spirits up:

- fresh baked Pilsbury chocolate chip cookies
- spinach dip with sourdough bread
- fried egg sandwiches (with tomato, avacado and cheese...pure heaven!)

So now that I've shown you mine, it's your turn to show me yours. What are your favorite comfort foods of all time?

Maybe they will name a disease after me?

Would that be a good consolation prize for going down in history as the girl with the condition that no one can diagnose? Acute Celestasitis. Has a nice ring to it...n'est ce pas?

I'm off to see the specialist. Will update on my return.


UPDATE: According to my dermatologist...I will get better. It will take some time, but will happen. I am most likely suffering from a severe allergic reaction to the last antibiotics I took. Either that, or its a virus that will have to run its course. Anyway, whatever it is, I am just so relieved to have seen someone who is taking my case seriously and finally has a plan to help me get better!

This week I will be at home recovering. Tell me a story or a joke! Anything to keep me from boredom.

4 doctors in three days...I sure do get around

My condition is not getting better. In fact, my skin is more painful and swollen with every waking minute, and I'm at my wits end.

This morning I went back to the doctor, and my test results were in: negative for strep. So, breathe a sigh of relief, its not scarlet fever.

But don't breathe a sigh of relief *too* quickly...because now, they have no frickin idea what's wrong with me!

So off to the hospital I go for tests and more tests....and the conclusion: inconclusive! They don't know what's wrong either.

Now I'm on a different antibiotics, with orders to see the doctor again in a few days.

So if anyone reads this and says a little prayer at night before bed, I'd really appreciate it if you'd mention me. It doesn't have to be a starring role, or even a supporting role. I'll settle for being an extra. As long as I get a little Divine intervention, because at this point, I just don't know what else to do.

Hello...the year 1820 called...it wants its disease back!

Who needs to bring sexy back...when you can bring the freaking PLAGUE back?!

Just when I thought I was out of the woods, and the tonsillitis was finally gone....WHAM...I come down with Scarlet Fever. Yes, no joke, its a form of strep that not only affects your throat, but your whole body. I won't even go into details about what I look like right now, in case there are young children present. I won't sugar coat it for you...its bad.

So...back on the antibiotics I go. La la la. When will it end? No one knows!

The good news, is that Scarlet Fever used to kill people back in the day, but these days as long as you treat it the only damage it does is to your self-esteem.

The beauty of silence

I'm reading this book right now:

A good friend of mine lent it to me recently, and I picked it up today. I'm about a third of the way through, and can barely put it down.

The timing on this one is impeccable...as I'm embarking on a bit of a journey of self-discovery of my own this year.

I spent most of today in silence. Except for the occasional word uttered to my roommate, and a quick "I'll have a non-fat no-whip cafe mocha please" at my neighbourhood Starbucks, I basically either read, or went about my day's activities sans-words.

And I have to say, what a refreshing and relaxing day I've had. So much so, that as I sit here, I'm having a hard time even formulating these thoughts into a somewhat readable format. Its amazing how much we get caught up in our daily lives with words and sounds and obnoxious noises that we've become so accustomed to, that we don't even notice them...until we cut them out. Even music today seemed too much for my senses, once I'd realized how much I'd been enjoying my quiet day.

Sick of being sick!

Oh boy...have I been in rough shape lately! I came down with the all-dreaded influenza virus two weeks ago. I can't remember the last time I was so sick! Cold chills...high fever...aches...pains...headache....YUCK. Then, just as I thought I was finally getting better...WHAM, I came down with tonsillitis.

So now I'm taking antibiotics, which I don't like doing, but I don't have a choice because this kind of thing only gets worse if you don't zap it out of your system.

Yes, I'll have some cheese with my whine :)

My new lens!

I got a beautiful new lens for my D70s for xmas from my parents. Its a fantastic 50mm F1.8 (if you know what that means, you are probably drooling a little too.) I've been dying to try it out, but since its quite specifically a portrait lens, I haven't had much opportunity. So who better to try it on, than myself and a vase of flowers? Though I do have to say, trying to get the camera to focus properly, without being able to look through the lens, posed quite a challenge. Anyway, here are a few of my experimental shots:

A new year...a new plan

Happy New Year friends!

Just a quickie here, as its my last day off before I return to the grind, and I have a lot to do. Its amazing really, how little I've accomplished in the past three weeks I've been off from work. Well, if you don't count snowboarding twice in Whistler, and once on Mt. Washington, and family xmas time, and a big photo project....hmm, ok so it looks like I DID actually get a lot done. But more importantly, I feel GREAT. I feel relaxed and happy and content. I really needed this time off.

Stay tuned for more on my plans for 2008....because its gonna be one helluva year!!!

Happy Birthday to me!

Today is my birthday. Yes, I'm a Christmas Eve baby. And the best part about it is...I share my birthday with my one of my BFF's. Seriously, we are litterally only a few hours apart. So, we celebrate together, and since the 24th is usually a family day...we generally celebrate early. Here are some photos from our party on Saturday: