Ernie was that you?

Note to self: do not shop at Safeway after 9:30 pm as that is when all the freaks go shopping.

When I got to the store I saw this old guy at his bike fiddling around with something and as I got closer I realized he was wearing a pair of running shorts that were a) way too small, and b) hiked up way too high. The equation goes like this : a + b = full view of old man ass cheeks. What the hell? Didn't thig guy feel a breeze? Or maybe he just doesn't care. Maybe showing off his ass cheeks to strangers at Safeway is more action than he's had in years. Either way, I just do not need to ever see that again. At least that was what I was thinking as I entered the store, believing he was on his way home...only to run into him several more times during my shopping trip as apparently I was incorrect and he was on his way IN to the store. I think I'm a little traumatized and I'm really hoping that these emotional wounds will heal quickly.

So la di da, I do my shopping. By the way, to anyone who doesn't know this about me, I hate grocery shopping. I will put it off until I absolutely have to go, which is why I ended up at the store tonight instead of at a reasonable hour this afternoon. Anyway....I'm finally in line to pay for my stuff, and of course because I dragged my heels and didn't get there earlier, there were only a couple of cashiers on, and too many customers to handle. So I'm in line. For a long time. (I know that rhymes but I'm sorry I'm too traumatized by Old Man Cheeks to think of something better.) I'm looking at the gum, wondering if I need more. I decide yes, I probably do, so I reach for the gum. BAD MOVE! Apparently reaching for the gum is also sign language for "hello dirty stranger behind me, please talk to me". The guy behind me starts joking (badly) about how they make us stand in line so we'll buy gum. Then he rambles on with some shit about how I must have a kid because I am buying so many fruit snacks. (I don't have time to eat sometimes so I live on fruit snacks!!!!) He also points out that if we were stoned we'd be in big trouble because we'd want to eat all the chocolate bars...and then as if sensing my reluctance to continue speaking with him he assures me he's not stoned right now, just a little drunk. He then points out that he doesn't know me at all but keeps talking to me. Thanks Captain Obvious, like I hadn't already figured that one out. I finally managed to pay for my stuff and escape, leaving him and the cashier alone to sort out the bag of empties he was returning, no doubt so that he'd have a little extra spending money for a chocolate bar next time he comes to Safeway stoned.