Today I'd like to talk about hand-shaking.
In my job, I shake a lot of hands. I meet new people every day, am constantly introducing myself, and offering up my right hand. What suprises me on a daily basis, is how BAD some people are at the art of shaking hands. I mean, how hard is it really? Here are the types of 'shakers' I've met lately:
The Limp Fish - this one always throws me off my game! Generally I encounter this one with the men I would LEAST expect it from. Some guy comes in wearing a suit, looking very professional, and I'm thinking "now here's a guy who means business", but then I get to the hand shake and its like trying to shake hands with a gel-pack. Now I'm feeling all dominant and butch-like and wondering if he thinks I'm trying to literally get the upper-hand.
The Bone Crusher - this is nearly 100% a male thing too. You go in for the shake, and before you know it you're regretting wearing your pretty ring because its cutting into your flesh from the sheer force of your opponent. And don't get me wrong here. I'm no wimp. I'm a firm shaker, but I also like to retain use of my fingers throughout the day without feeling the need to put them on ice to keep the swelling down. To all the bone crushers out there: take it easy on the ladies, its not a contest!
The Pre-Emptive Strike - I get this a lot of the time and it makes ME feel like the limp fish. Someone goes in for the shake, and before your hands make full contact, they close up and start shaking which means now they are shaking the tips of your fingers and making you feel like a fool. I always want to say "Can we please start over? I feel like I couldn't give that hand shake its full potential because you squeezed too early." But then I'd just get a weird look and all credibility would be completely shot. So instead I have to gather what little dignity I have left and just move forward.
I guess the moral of this post is simply this: first impressions are very important, and an awkward hand-shake is your one-way ticket to a bad one. Let's make a pact to help our friends and colleagues learn the art of hand shaking so that one day we'll all live in a world where you never have to fear the limp fish or the bone crusher. Deal? Shall we shake on it?
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20 comments:
You are confirming my worst fears. Am I being judged based on the strength... or lack of strength... of my handshake? How can I practice? Is the standard the same for everyone or do different people prefer different handshakes? Maybe we should adopt bowing.
Good to see you back around again! Man, I hate the The Limp Fish handshake more than anything....especially from a man.
you should just stop shaking hands and start smacking asses.
The pre-emptive strike is really irritating! I've been done like that before and I go away feeling embarrassed... I've got a friend that does the Bone Crusher when he first meets you... he stands about 6'7" and tries to make a strong impression of dominance from the start..
You forgot the "Elbow Grabber." This is where the shaker, usually a male, will grasp your hand to shake and with his other hand grab the elbow of your shaking arm, effectively trapping you there until he's ready to separate.
Oh, then there's the "Double Grabber:" the person who grasps your hand for the shake, then places his/her other hand over the back of yours. Again, trapped!
I rather like the ass slap thing Crystal suggests, but only if I'm shaking hands wiht hot women, and there's not a lot of those around here, so now that I think about it, I'll pass.
I think you can aid a bad handshake with direct eye contact.
Not totally rescue it but at least make it better.
What do you do for a living that requires the shakes?
Hello, you have a wonderful blog, but I can't find your email address, can you please contact me at linkexchange@edenfantasys.com? I have something to discuss with you
Regards, Chris
(Please can you delete this comment after your decision?)
I used to 'teach' people how to shake hands. They were kids looking for their first jobs. The limp fish is by far and away the first. Talk about a bad first impression.
I prefer a hi-5 to a handshake.
Don't forget to email that guy at edenfantasys.com
I've been accused of the "bone crusher" only because I was thinking that the other dude was going to do it to me first. However, I get my share of bone crushers because other men think that since I'm a strong guy that I'm going to be doing it to them or that I expect it. It's a vicious cycle.
I hate the "limp fish".
Handshakes are nice, but les bis* are better.
* kissing on the cheek
Get off my lawn,
If you feel like you're a bone crusher, I would suggest practicing on someone's grandma. That way you are forced to be gently. If you're a limp fish...well I'm not sure if there is any help out there for you.
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Jlee,
Thanks, its good to be back!!
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Crystal,
I'm pretty sure we have a no-ass-smacking policy at work. Unless someone *really* deserves it, of course.
At some point guys started thinking that "firm" means squeeze. The limp handshake is the worst though. (shudder)
hahahaha
neal = funny
Gkw,
It's up to YOU my friend, to teach your bone crusher buddy to be a gentler soul.
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Effortless,
Excellent point! I am lucky that I haven't been a victim of 'the elbow grab' lately. I did have the double-hand the other day, and I have to say...its a little uncomfortable.
Green,
Real estate sales. So yeah, I shake a lot of hands.
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Chris,
Oh sure, I'll get right on that.
eff off!
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Scott,
You're a noble man for taking those younguns under your wing. Good on ya!
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Neal,
Ha! Awesome. I am so gonna high 5 my next client after we're done signing up the paperwork. I'll let you know how it goes!
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Grunt,
I can see how you would appear to be a bone-crusher type. I know you're just a gentle giant though :)
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Andre,
Someone did that to me the other day and it freaked me out! We just don't do that here in Canada. I think its something to do with having larger personal spaces that Europeans do.
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H.Wood,
haha. Yeah, that would go over really well.
In my business the handshake is CRITICAL, and so many people screw it up. I guess it comes from the whole "family of crazy Germans" thing. We do that shit right.
The limp fish pisses me off, but more so from women than men. Here's why.
If I get the limp fish from a man, I know that I am somehow (morally, physically, emotionally) better than him.
If I get the limp fish from a woman, it pretty much lets me know that she doesn't give a damn. That or that she lacks confidence...
(In fact, that very thing has factored into my decision to not ask a woman out before.)
I'm a handshake matcher. I match the intensity of the other shaker. I do like this list you've got going here.
You'd think people could figure out how to do such a simple thing. I mean, seriously. :-)
I hate the dead fish, or limp fish handshake too. My brother in law does the fingertip one, that gets me. I like a firm handshake but some guys feel it's a muscle contest or something. That's when I like to use the handshake where you take your middle finger of your shaking hand and tickle the plam of the offender.
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